Friday, January 29, 2010

Fear and pain ( what is to come ?)

Today I write because I don't know what else to do. I guess I also don't want to forget how I feel. Monday I found out that I was not pregnant from a 3rd try of IN-VETRO, and it being my 6th loss. It is weird because I thought that Ryan and I had been through enough. I guess I was wrong. I know that we will get through this. But I know it will take time, asking WHY about 1000 more times, tears, pain, and a list of many more things. I am not sure what is to come for Ryan and I or when. The thing that I do know is. I love my family (Ryan and Aurora )we have each other. Along with our extended families. I personaly know how blessed I am to be a daughter, sister, wife, aunt, and a friend. Parts of me feel like life is over. I know that it is not. I can win in the end. Gall life is weird and hard but I guess the weird or hard times is what allows us to be happy all of the other times in life. Looking for an answer is what I am waiting for right now. When I get it I don't know. But some day it will come. I can't thank everyone enough for all of the love and support that we have been given over the past few years. I love all of you Thanks

11 comments:

Kati said...

Hello there. I realize this might be a tad bit creepy, being that we do not know eachother; but I just stumbled upon your blog and read your first entry. I have not even read your other posts, but I felt a warm connetion with you and wanted to share another blog with you. http://www.natalienortonphoto.com/

This woman is a photographer in Hawaii and has an amazing blog that she updates frequently, if not daily. She is a source of strenght and inspiration for me, and I hope she will be for you as well. I will put you in my prayers that you will make it through this difficult time, as you are trying for a family. It will all work out.

I'm very glad I found your blog. :)
-Kati Harvey
(knharvey@bradley.edu)

Janell said...

My heart is still bleeding for you and Ryan. I know you are in pain and that thought hurts me so much. I'm so grateful that you are my sister. I KNOW that things will all work out and that Heavenly Father IS aware of you. You will continually be in our prayers.

Natalie. said...

My very most sincere prayers of this day are being offered for you. I just thought you should know. :)

Veronica said...

I love you Shanda and I admire your strength. You are amazing and I just hope you know that!

Dani Wells said...

Hey Shanda girl. Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are a great person and a blessing to everyone around you. I know you always put a smile on my face. Miss ya.

Morgan

Erin said...

You are such an amazing woman. I wish I could offer some comfort or help. We will continue to pray for you guys. We love you and I know that this burden seems too heavy to bear, but that Christ can help you carry it somehow, at the times you can't. We love you so, so much! I'm so sorry for your loss. Love you.

audreywaldron said...

Hugs and much love to both Ryan and you!!!! We love you both and you are thought of often in our home and are in our prayers daily. I don't know if this will help, but the biggest lesson I've learned over the last 2 years with all of our stuff, is that just when you think you are to your limit and you can't take anymore, you are given just that... more. HF was trying to tell me how strong of a mother and wife I am and can handle it all and then some and then some more. But not without his help... my faith and prayer have grown so much and I feel like a different person. I know you will make it and know what the next step will be :))) Much love!!

Luna said...

I miss you so much. I think about you all the time. I just wish I lived closer so I could give you a huge hug. I get so upset that so many of my friends are going through such similar struggles. It is just so hard to wrap my brain around it.

I want you to know that we love you and really want the best for you.

Foster Family said...

We pray for you and Ryan every tiem there is a prayer said in our home. We love you both and we are sorry and hurt with you. BDR,Lolly,TyTy,Missy&Ryry

Wildings said...

Shanda and P, so sorry you're going through this hurt and pain again! This last few months has taught me a lot about trials, but more than anything it's taught me that HF is very aware of you and your situation. We just need to have complete faith and trust in him! Prayers are with you. Love and miss you guys!

Stacey W said...

I know we don't know each other but just wanted to share some wisdom that someone very wise once told me.
`God doesn't ever give you more then you can handle`
I know that right now might not be the best thing to hear. And maybe you have already been told that before.
Just hold each other and you guys will make it. Looks like you have a lot of people that love you guys and looks like you guys have a lot of love to share. My prayers are with you and your family in this harsh time. It does get better.